First Day At Work

It has been 6 days since I first checked into the hospital with my wife in expectation of our child's birth. Monday has now come and it is time to get back to a fairly long backlog of work to catch up on. Although I have had my fair share of "lazy to go to work" days, today seemed different. I wanted to stay back and spend the day with my wife and child, but logic overran emotion and off I went to work. It was not till later that evening, when a colleague of mine asked me how I felt leaving my child, did it really hit me how hard it was for me to really do so.

However, with a clear focus to get back home to my wife and child, my focus at work had never been sharper. With a clear drive to address as much work as I could, I had accomplished much and off I was for some home shopping (list provided by my wife) by 9pm.

Once home and exhausted, I imagined some rest and play (with my child) would be possible. Instead, I was directed on various tasks that needed to be done while my wife was feeding our baby. On other days, I would be sullen and grouchy, complaining as to being tired and having asked to do more work upon my return. Not this time though.

Maybe it had to do with seeing my wife being under the scalpel or maybe it had to do with a greater appreciation with the tasks she now has. Not sure what it is, but all I know is that I have to help her out as much as I can... and more importantly, I more than want too, given that I know she too is exhausted.

It is 1am now and soon it will be my wife's turn to stay mildly attentive and look after the baby (not like that has been what I am doing earlier)... hooray. Anyways another day another journey filled with adventure, learning, excitement and anxiety.

-pshasi

A Treasure Is Born

September 11th shall be remembered for many reasons. While the World Trade Centre went down in ashes 8 years ago and irrevocable changed our world in more ways than we realise, September 11th, 2009 is arguably the most treasured day of my life. It is the day my wife and I had our first child.

It is hard to believe that she and I are now responsible for another human being. There are no feelings to express the love that one can have for ones child. It is an experience and a blessing to be treasured always.

The past 2 days since she has been born has seemed surreal in many ways, with a mixture of emotions to confuse even the most rationale of beings - euphoria of having a child that everyone says is a replica of me; anxiety of not knowing whether what you're doing is right or wrong; exhaustion as the demands of being there for mother and child starts to slowly take its toll; and fear that the sins of the father comes to haunt that of the child.

Above it all, the one overriding emotion (if you could call it that), is that of protectiveness. The need to keep her safe from harm is so overpowering that it seems to cloud my judgment and I fear I may spoil her in the process of wanting to keep her safe.

As I express my emotions here, I cannot even begin to imagine how my wife must be feeling much less going through. Still recovering from the operation, she is also learning how to look after a child. Nonetheless, while one would expect her to be exhausted and resting, she has the energy through it all to pick herself up and look after our child (as I comfortably sit at the hospital lounge writing this blog).

Truly mothers are the most amazing people in this world. Only now, after being a father (even if it has only been 2 days) do I understand the importance of articulating that appreciation for a mother who has the strength and love for a child few fathers could ever beat.

Life truly does begin to have a very different meaning to it with the existence of one's child. Career, ambition, purpose, calling - these all pale in comparison to that of the drive I seem to have now to achieve all of the above for the sole purpose of my child. In sharing the raising of our child

Anyways, enough ramblings for one day. Back to seeing how wifey is keeping with our darling.