It is hard to believe that she and I are now responsible for another human being. There are no feelings to express the love that one can have for ones child. It is an experience and a blessing to be treasured always.
The past 2 days since she has been born has seemed surreal in many ways, with a mixture of emotions to confuse even the most rationale of beings - euphoria of having a child that everyone says is a replica of me; anxiety of not knowing whether what you're doing is right or wrong; exhaustion as the demands of being there for mother and child starts to slowly take its toll; and fear that the sins of the father comes to haunt that of the child.
Above it all, the one overriding emotion (if you could call it that), is that of protectiveness. The need to keep her safe from harm is so overpowering that it seems to cloud my judgment and I fear I may spoil her in the process of wanting to keep her safe.
As I express my emotions here, I cannot even begin to imagine how my wife must be feeling much less going through. Still recovering from the operation, she is also learning how to look after a child. Nonetheless, while one would expect her to be exhausted and resting, she has the energy through it all to pick herself up and look after our child (as I comfortably sit at the hospital lounge writing this blog).
Truly mothers are the most amazing people in this world. Only now, after being a father (even if it has only been 2 days) do I understand the importance of articulating that appreciation for a mother who has the strength and love for a child few fathers could ever beat.
Life truly does begin to have a very different meaning to it with the existence of one's child. Career, ambition, purpose, calling - these all pale in comparison to that of the drive I seem to have now to achieve all of the above for the sole purpose of my child. In sharing the raising of our child
Anyways, enough ramblings for one day. Back to seeing how wifey is keeping with our darling.
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